go out of style when spring break 92' was over, but so did lower back tattoos. Or at least they should have. But no you trife ass new age, computer savvy geeks had to take it to a whole new level. May I present to you the MAC icon tramp stamp in all its whack listed glory.
Look I'm extra proud of you for not getting a fairy, or cherries or even that ridiculous Roxy symbol (I know a girl) forever placed on your muffin topped trunk, but for real unless Apple is cutting you checks don't get their logo on you. Stick to the basics, like your soon to be ex-boyfriends name.
You make the rest of with an I.P. address look bad. so cut that shit out.
2) Jenkem. Jenkem is the cost free way to get high. All you need is an ass, an old forty bottle, a balloon (or condom, which you can find conveniently in the alley beside the empty forty), and absolutely no common sense or self respect. What you do is, you collect raw sewage i.e. your bowels into a bottle, leave out side in the sun for a couple of days until the gases separate and WA LA you're left with the product of ''jenkem''. Also known as ''Winnie'' (after the bear I'm guessing. Oh you clever, clever crack heads.), ''shit'', ''runners'', and ''butt hash''. What it all comes down to is, if you want to do a drug originated by some boombadda kids in a third world country with street names like that, by all means do you. But we live in the good old U.S. of A and I think you can afford to spare a couple of bucks to throw down on a blunt.
3)Music Fights. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I've been at a party and have had my crown and coke mood ruined by some hipster under grad art students arguing in their cardigans, and news boys hats over what the actual lyrics to a song are, or the name of the album, or the relationship of the lead singer with the guest vocalist. Are they lovers? Nah, man they're cousins.
WHO THE FUCK CARES. Go excuse your self from that mind numbing conversation to go get a beer, then run into me, so we can talk about something actually interesting. Like how you had acne and braces in high school and thats why your over compensating for it now, cool guy.
4)''dat'' is not how you say ''that''. I'm down with slang. I love it. I'll be the first to take a hot word and play the fuck out of it for two weeks. Real talk. But ''dat'', is just bad pronunciation. Go back to elementary school and learn how to talk.
I imagine some one who says ''dat'' also doing jerkem.
5) Play boy shirts/gear. Unless you're an actual play boy model and got it for free, or live in a trailer with brassy yellow hair and a fetal alcohol syndrome diagnosed baby hanging off your tit, there is no reason or excuse to why you would ever wear one of those shirts.
CHEAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.
6) Really feminine dudes. NONONONONONO. No. And I'm not talking about gay dudes, gay dudes own. Well maybe they are gay, but until they stop pretending they loveeeeeeee tits and come back from Narnia they're just whack. But you know what I'm talking about. The boys who go tanning, and get their teeth whitened, and face masks, and use better hair products than I do. You have to go. NO GIRL WANTS THAT. None. I want a man who can get ready in 10 minutes, and is so rugged that that ten minutes includes cutting down a tree and fixing something broken in my house. Not a Gotti brother.
A real mans man.
A double whammy of gay.
7) Paolo Nutini's new girlfriend. She sucks. Too easy. Moving on.
8) Bulldogs. I've been noticing a trend of people getting bulldogs in the age range of maybe.. mmmm..... about 19-24. Seriously? An animal isn't the new pair of dunks you assholes. I know, bull dogs make your apartment and you look extra cool. Except, not really. They're not even cute, and they smell bad no matter what you do. It also makes me really mad to see animals not properly cared for because you didn't expect A LIVING THING to be so expensive or need so much of your time (yes, even when its not cute and a puppy any more you still have to give it attention). So if you want a dog, just put a muzzle on your girlfriend or something. Not that far of a stretch.
9) Newport Cadillacs. Let me rephrase. Young ass white boys thinking they're down enough for some Newport cadillacs. I don't care who you are, you cannot handle a Newport cadillac unless you're an early thirties black man with babies. You know all that nicotine is making you queasy, why are you trying to front? Go get your self an American spirit or Parliment son. Leave the caddies for the big boys.
10) ASIANS. I'm going to flip the script on you guys. This isn't something that's whack. It's something I love, and that is very near and dear to my heart. Crazy ass Asians dying there hair super blond, tanning and getting black light nails. I love it. All they need is some hello kitty gear on and I'm putting them in my back pocket to bust out at parties and bingo night with grandma.
Asians are so dope.
